just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
