wakey wakey hands off snakey
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
