He kissed a someone with a penis
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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