Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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