I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
