Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
