he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
