my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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