my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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