Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
