We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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