WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize