True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
