3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
