He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
do nipples grow back?
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