I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
