My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
