Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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