She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need moral support for this bender
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
