sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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