I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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