Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
