How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
