Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My dick has a subreddit
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
