You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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