if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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