wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
