Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
