I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
