dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize