Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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