You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
