So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
