What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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