i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
