My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
