It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
