Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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