Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
