First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
