hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
