mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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