oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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