I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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