He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
