Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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