and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
