you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
