Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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