Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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