how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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