Do you still have your period?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
