Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
