Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
