we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
