Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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