Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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