Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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