In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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