the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
