I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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