i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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