last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
