There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
