Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize