God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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