The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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