how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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